sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
