I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
