Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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