if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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