I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
