remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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