if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
