this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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