Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
