Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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