I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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