I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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