After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize