What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
