I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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