U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sorry my hands just texted you
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
