he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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