Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
