Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
