do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
