Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i love accidental penises.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
