I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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