i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
