dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wear drunk well.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
