New invention idea: vibrating tampons
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
