Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
