ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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