Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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