I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
