I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
