Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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