I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
