Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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