I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
