No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
