I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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