i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
