So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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