Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
