her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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