Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
