Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
