I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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