I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
