bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pants are for mortals
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
