I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
