Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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