im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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