Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
