Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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