I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
