At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
