Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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