anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
