I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
