Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
