well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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