Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
