i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
