I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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