Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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