I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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