susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
