I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
