I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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