I didn't shave. On purpose
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
