god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
