I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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