he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
