but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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