Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
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Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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