Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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