i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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