somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
where am i from again
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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