I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
