I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
